I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
