She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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