Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
