I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Randomize
