coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
