We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
