My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
