I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
third nipple confirmed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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