I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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