it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I touched a dick in church today
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
