I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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