there was a trapeze. enough said
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
