Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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