I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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