Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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