Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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