the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
