That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My cat gives me a boner
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I enjoy the company of your penis
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