im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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