69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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