every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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