One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
