You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
