I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
