Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
