I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize