Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think my nap took me to another dimension
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Holy sore nipples Batman
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
