his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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