I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
