Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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