He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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