He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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