what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
