why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
