Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize