hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
