I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
