Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
