ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
