can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
