It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
