She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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