Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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