Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
