So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
