I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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