i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
