he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
