So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
