Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
