You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
