we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My feet surprised me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
