No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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