We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
