True but thats because hes a fetus.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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