ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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