so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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