u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
