ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you win again, gameday.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
