Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
