I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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