Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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