i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
