i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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